Calorie Accounting book

Dieting is ridiculous. It’s a never-ending roller-coaster ride of ups and downs, corkscrews and loop-the-loops, rattled brains and upset stomachs. Every day a new morning show nutritionist announces the latest yogalates pose or rare strain of kale designed to attack those stubborn ass dimples, but every day, no matter what new acai Kool-Aid you’re drinking, your ass dimples are multiplying! It’s not adding up, and it’s time to do the math.

Calorie Accounting is a fun and funny, cool and creative, visual and vibrant lifestyle how-to that delivers the skinny on the arithmetic of weight loss. Typically, there’s nothing less enjoyable than being fat and preferring not to be, but Calorie Accounting finally allows us to cut the crap and face this thing head on—with jokes, puns, humiliating photos, and self-deprecation! Because after all, in the all-too-heavy world of health and fitness, can’t we afford to lighten up a bit?

Calorie Accounting is a tried-and-true diet plan, developed, followed, and documented by Mandy Levy, your author and sarcastic best friend. Her been-there-done-that words and pictures will inspire, mentor, and guide you through your own weight-loss success story with step-by-step instructions and extended metaphors for:

  • Checks and balances!
  • Shopping!
  • Shakin’ that moneymaker!
  • Recipes (for disaster)!
  • And more!

Sneak Peek


“Taffy Apple”

140 Calories
  • Total Time: 1.5 minutes
  • Prep Time: 1.5 minutes
  • Servings: 1 snick-snack
  • 1 Sugar Free Caramel Snack Pack 60 cal
  • 1 Granny Smith apple 80 cal

Take Sugar-Free Caramel Snack Pack out of fridge. Open it. Take one washed Granny Smith apple and cut into eighths (or fourths, depending on how big your mouth is and how bad you wanna house this thing). Arrange apple slices on cute plate with opened Snack Pack in the middle. Take out to living room and turn on Jeopardy! Dip slices into pudding and relax with Alex. (If you’re feeling salty, you can sprinkle a little sea salt on your pudding, too, because salted caramel is #trending right now.)

Bare Waldorf

184 Calories
  • Total Time: 4 minutes
  • Prep Time: 4 minutes
  • Servings: 1 snick-snack
  • 4 celery stalks 24 cal
  • 2 wedges aughing Cow Creamy White Swiss 70 cal
  • 1/4 cup red grapes, halved 26 cal
  • 1/4 cup Gala apples, chopped 16 cal
  • 1 tbsp chopped walnuts 48 cal

Wash and dry celery. Cut into 6-inch logs. You can work with as many stalks of celery as you want; these calories are almost non-existent (6 per stalk!). Spread cheese wedges into celery canals (gross). Arrange halved grapes and chopped apples atop the cheese spread. Sprinkle walnuts. Admire attractive snicky-snack. Think about how you’re gonna get skinnier than Serena; SCARF SHAMELESSLY!
xoxo, Diet Girl

Thin-n-Out Animal Style Burger

288 Calories
  • Total Time: 8 minutes
  • Prep Time: 5 minutes
  • Cook Time: 3 minutes
  • Servings: 1 din-din
  • 1 100-calorie hamburger bun 100 cal
  • 1 Original Gardenburger patty 110 cal
  • 1 slice Kraft Singles Fat-Free Cheddar 25 cal
  • 1 tbsp Kraft Fat-Free Thousand Island Dressing 25 cal
  • I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spray
  • 5 Claussen Dill Pickle Chips 5 cal
  • 1 slice tomato 5 cal
  • 1/4 cup chopped white onion 17 cal
  • 1 leaf Bibb lettuce 1 cal

Jessica Alba says she ate an In-n-Out burger right before the Golden Globes? Here’s what she really had. Heat up some I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spray on a skillet and add chopped white onions; sauté. Spread fat-free Thousand Island dressing on both halves of a 100-calorie bun. Take a fake frozen burger from the breakfast aisle (I like Gardenburger the best), microwave it, throw it on the bun. Add a slice of fat-free cheddar cheese to the hot patty and let it melt, then top with lettuce, tomato, sautéed onion, and pickle chips. Squirt a little more dressing on top if you can afford it, and dig in! Just as delicious (and nowhere near as dangerous) as that west coast classic. Wanna save 100 calories? Do it up “Protein Style” and forget the bun—just wrap in lettuce. Look out Alba!!

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