Getting Hotter!!


Calorie Accountants know how important Frank’s RedHot sauce is to me and my diet (esp. Frank’s of the buffalo variety), and now I have a real shot at being their brand ambassador, like I’ve always dreamed!!! I made a video for their “I Put That $#!t on Everything” contest, and I’ve been selected for the Top 25!!! Now thru Halloween, the contest is based 100% on PUBLIC VOTING. That means you! And you! And you! And all your friends! Please help me reach my #hotsaucegoals and vote for my video (via link above)! You can vote daily!! Please tell everyone you know, please share, and please accept my apology in advance, as this will not be the last time you hear from me on this particular ‘hot’ topic 😉


-lil’ Mando



Snap Back: Day 3


Calorie Accounting – Snap Kitchen “Snap Back to Skinny” 3-Day Meal Plan
*Clean, conservative, regulated eating to get back on track after a delicious but horrifying calorie bender*

Day Three: 1180 Calories

TGIfreakingF yall!  It’s Friday, and a great one too!!  Not only am I seeing Brandon Flowers, my one true love, in concert at a favorite tiny venue tonight, but also, I’ll be a total babe screaming for him in the front row:  I stepped on the scale this morning, after officially completing my 3-day “Snap Back to Skinny” corrective kick-start meal plan, and I have effectively done away with every last ounce of the 4 pounds of hot dogs gained over Labor Day Weekend.  Let’s party!!!!!!

But before we do, let me bring you up to speed on the deets of the third and final daily menu:

We kicked things off yesterday with the re-introduction of a little caffeine (historically this is the most difficult part of any kind of clean-eating program for me; to put it lightly, I am a “fan” of Diet Coke) with the adorable Almonccino (80 Cal), a simple mixture of filtered water, organic coffee, and almonds.  Kind of like a Starbucks Double Shot without the dairy, sugar, calories, or regret.  My lil’ Almonccino was perfectly accompanied by the DELICIOUS Chia Seed & Date Pudding (160 Cal), which may have been my favorite part of this 3-day adventure.  Omg I love all the things you can do with Chia, inclusive of course of fuzzy sheep and presidential hairdos.  The chia seeds soak in a sweet combo of almond and coconut milk, expanding with the moisture, by the end almost giving it a tapioca-ish consistency.  There’s a bit of cinnamon and cayenne sprinkled in, and the whole shebang is topped with chopped almonds and dates.  It is breakfast, it is a snack, it is a dessert, it is perfect.  5 stars!!!


Mediterranean Spaghetti Squash (270 Cal) was a lovely lunch.  I adore spaghetti squash, but nearly chop off my finger every time I try to make it for myself (I’m bad with gourds; that’s what she said).  This was lightly tossed in a Greek vinaigrette, topped with tomato, feta, green onion, and capers.  (And olives too, if you’re an olive person, which I’m not, but I wish I was.) Delish.  Later in the afternoon I sat down in my rocking chair to enjoy a generous Fruit Medley (120 Cal), which was just mixed seasonal fresh fruit.  Strawberries, melons, grapes, pineapples.. can’t go wrong.  And a really big bowl!  Filled me up till dinner.


Dinner, then, was an Over-Easy Bison Burger (320 Cal). This was goooood.  How amazing that perfectly-cooked bison burgers can be available for you to grab-n-go-n-zap for a crazy fast, crazy healthy, crazy delicious dinner??  I don’t typically eat bison burgers because I’m intimidated by the thought of working with bison meat.. I don’t even know where to buy it, and if I did, I bet it’s hella expensive.  But I also know that bison meat is super lean and packed with nutrients, and this burger was to die.  Topped with an “over-easy” (though I’d call it over-medium–which I like better!!) eggiweg and served with a heaping side of sweet potato fries, I surely did not feel like I was dieting when I was eating this dinner.  How many 320-calorie Lean Cuisine meals are this beautiful and satisfying???


Then guess what it was time for???  That’s right, Jimmy Fallon and LATE NIGHT SNACKS, which means Caveman Clusters (230 Cal) on my couch in my comfy cozies!! A crunchy, salty-sweet, ooey-gooey, fibrous and protein-packed end to the evening, and celebratory toast to the successful conclusion of my 3-day snappy adventure.  I’m back on freaking track, people.

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And now… time for me and B-Flo to be lovebirds like this again:


Snap Back: Day 2


Calorie Accounting – Snap Kitchen “Snap Back to Skinny” 3-Day Meal Plan
*Clean, conservative, regulated eating to get back on track after a delicious but horrifying calorie bender*

Day Two: 1140 Calories

Stepped on the scale yesterday morning and had already dropped 2 pounds of the 4 pounds gained over LDW! Got me excited for Day Two.  Here’s how it all went down:

Kicked things off with a Spicy Basil Lemonade (110 Cal), which was really delicious and really strange.. it has so many REALLY strong flavors: it’s exceptionally lemony and tart, it’s exceptionally basil-y and savory, and it’s exceptionally cayenne-y and spicy.  It’s bonkers!  I loved it!  It kind of reminded me of the weirdness of that Master Cleanse concoction, which all the actors waiters I worked with at Maggiano’s West Hollywood in ’05 were addicted to.  It was astringently compelling and curiously empowering and I kind of want to see what would happen if I drank like 6 of them every day for a week straight.  I might black out but I might also want to run a marathon!  This stuff tastes magical!  When I got peckish around 11am, I went for my Kale and Watermelon Snack (100 Cal), which was delightful for many reasons, but mostly for its feta.  Because feta makes everything beta. 😉


Lunchtime al fresco and photo shoot fun came next!  I was very excited by my Chicken Caesar Wrap (320 Cal), accompanied by Annie Chun’s Wasabi Seaweed Snacks (30 Cal for half the pack!)  It’s a real treat to be able to eat a tortilla on a diet, and this wrap delivered just the carb kick I needed. (An aside: my carbohydrate addiction is strange, I think: It’s more about the particular feeling of my teeth biting off a piece of the glutenous glory, more even than the taste itself.  My teeth crave it more than my stomach.  If that makes sense.  Probably not.)


When I got home from work, I dug into a lil’ Caprese Salad (110 Cal) on the porch. Perfect grape tomatoes, generous chunks of mozzarella, basil, and balsamic.. and a helluva lotta garlic.  Mmmm.  Maybe not a good snack right before a date???  But I had no date.  I devoured it.  Then, after a light run on the treadmill while listening to the Greg Proops WTF (cool cat!), I came home and changed into my comfy cozies and heated up a bowl of the Grass-fed Meatballs & Peppers (240 Cal) and proceeded to eat it on my patio looking like, as my sister so often labels me, a total freak!  The meatballs were tender, savory, and plentiful, and the sliced peppers and onions, all wilted and swirling in the bowl, could sorta kinda pass for spaghetti!  (Confession: I did add hot sauce and 30 cal worth of grated parmesan, so I guess my day actually totaled 1170 calories; so sue me.)


Then, of course, in the spirit of always having “something look forward to while I watch Jimmy”, I prepared my SNAX: Caveman Clusters!!!!!  230 Cal of pure gooey love.


YUM to everything! This is a piece of cake! (Not literally, not in the slightest, but you get it!)  One more day till I’m back on track!!!!  Thanks for everything, Snap Kitchen, I love ya!!!! 🙂

Snap Back: Day 1


Calorie Accounting – Snap Kitchen “Snap Back to Skinny” 3-Day Meal Plan
*Clean, conservative, regulated eating to get back on track after a delicious but horrifying calorie bender*

Day One: 1110 Calories

Super Greens Juice – 90 Cal
A little bite at the beginning for sure, but that’s how you know it’s the good stuff.  I like thinking of green juice as a magical potion, an elixir, a medicine of sorts–sometimes you have to plug your nose to swallow it down, but you’re curing yourself of so much.  I’ve had green juices that are maybe a little more palatable–maybe they’ve got a little apple, some pineapple, a little ginger, helping to sweet’n’spice it up a bit, but you’re doubling the calories that way too.  We don’t need that today. This Snap Kitchen choice is as plain ol’ green as it gets: romaine, parsley, spinach, kale, celery, cucumber, a squeeze of lemon. And for 90 calories, you can’t beat it. A good start to the day. Conditioning. Tough love.

Strawberry Applesauce – 70 Cal
The Strawberry Applesauce was, as some might say, “amazeballs.” Sweet, refreshing, light, a nice little treat. I had it as a mid-morning snack. My pink flamingo did too!
Siam Lentil Bowl – 290 Cal
This was a filling and delicious lunch. Kind of sweet actually–I threw a little hot sauce on top for my spicy-salty fix (for zero extra calories, of course!). Yellow lentils, wilted kale, carrots, red onions, a lil’ lime.. A Southwestern twist on a hearty Asian protein bowl. Seriously fantastic. I wasn’t even hungry for anything else! That’s why I fed my Tomato Gazpacho (140 Cal) to my wooden toucan!  (jknojk)  Once I got a little peckish later in the afternoon, I took a break with the perfect Tuscan Kale Snack–just the tart crunch I needed to hold me over till dinner. Crisp, a little lemony, with some olive oil.. maybe some tahini? I’m guessing. Whatever it was, it was a delight.  If I had more calories to spend today, I might have sprinkled some toasted pine nuts on top, because I bet that’s EXCELLENT.  But I can do that on Day 4 🙂
After a light run on the treadmill while listening to the Lake Bell episode of WTF (she’s so rad), it was time for dinner. I chose the Naked Chicken (220 Cal) with peapods and sauteed cauliflower. This is admittedly “healthy” for me, so I wasn’t salivating at the thought, but I desperately needed it to regulate the excess of hot fries from the weekend.  And I will tell you: I never think to order chicken, I never think to make chicken, but every time I have chicken, I’m like, “Oh! That’s nice!”  And this Naked Chicken was quite nice.  The veggies were a delicious complement, perfectly tender, slightly crisped.  And it’s always a strange, welcome relief to feel full after a meal, yet also feel zero guilt.  I think Snap Kitchen’s good for that.  However. Full or not, every day of every diet, I need to make sure I have “something to look forward to.” That’s why I have my beloved Caveman Clusters (230 Cal) on the ready. It’s like the best Omega 3 trail mix you’ve ever experienced, honey-welded together in gooey hunks. It’s fabulous. And at the end of a hard day of regulation and restriction, it’s my reward.
This is cool.  This is yummy.  This is EASY.  Did I mention that every one of these freshly-prepared takeaway meals from Snap have one simple cooking instruction: “Loosen lid; microwave for 1 minute.”

Ummmmmm, I can do that.

Now time to watch Stephen Colbert, have another Caveman Cluster or two, and SLEEP. Tomorrow we continue on our skinny way.

Keep it snappy,

Snap Back to Skinny

Ahhhhhh Labor Day Weekend.  The final farewell to summer, full of unbridled enthusiasm for sun, fun, family, friends, and hot dogs.  Lots of hot dogs.  And burgers, and beers, and chips, and cheese, and ice cream, and cake, and so many hot fries your eyes water and you get your first ever official migraine.  (Seriously–have you tried hot fries?? They are an exercise in sadomasochism–THEY HURT SO GOOD!!!!)

Summer weekends are a toughie for dieters–we just want to let loose and enjoy ourselves!  And it’s totally okay to do just that.. so long as you are accountable and ready to get back on track come Monday.  Or, in Labor Day Weekend’s case, Tuesday.  So, with the help of the delicious and nutritious grab-n-go meal options at my favorite fresh take-away concept, Snap Kitchen, I’ve designed the perfect Calorie Accounting 3-Day Snap Back to Skinny meal plan!  I’m going to live it and document it in real time over these next three days, as I gently coax the hot fries out of my system and continue on my skinny way.

The Snap Back menu is meant to be a 3-day jumpstart following a calorie splurge, a very clean & regulated meal program averaging about 1150 calories daily.  Drink lots of water, squeeze in some light exercise if you’re able, and by Friday, you’ll be right back on track (just in time to ruin your run with another weekend of mindlessness!!!  Kidding. Kinda. :))

I’ll update tonight with the Day One experience.. but as a little amuse bouche, here’s what’s on the menu:

DAY ONE – 1110 Calories

  • Super Greens Juice – 90 Cal
  • Strawberry Applesauce – 70 Cal
  • Siam Lentil Bowl – 290 Cal
  • Tomato Gazpacho – 140 Cal
  • Tuscan Kale Snack – 70 Cal
  • Naked Chicken – 220 Cal
  • Caveman Clusters – 230 Cal

Here we gooooooo….. (The below shot from this morning is no offense to Snap Kitchen; this is what I look like every time I take my first sip of any green juice.  But it’s lifeblood!!!  More of that sado-maso stuff for you.)


Diet M&Ms

My girl Malia is at it again!!  The Weight Loss Expert and I teamed up for another “Pro-Am” article, this time brainstorming the many ways to reach your caloric deficit goals — the main M.O. behind the basic Calorie Accounting weight loss plan.  Check out our conglomeration of bona fide dietitian and regular schmuck tips & best practices HERE! =!

As many of you lovely Calorie Accountants already know, my #1 disclaimer within my C.A. world is the fact that I am not a doctor nor a dietician; just some schmuck who figured out how to lose a few.. and not necessarily via the most healthful/nutritious strategies (more via an obsession with fake fat, fake sugar, and fake noodles).  But I feel awesome that Weight Loss Expert Malia Frey (totally the loveliest!!), who has dedicated her career to wellness, fitness, and healthy weight loss, understands my approach and encourages my angle–with a little arugula sprinkled in here and there for good measure of course 🙂

Check out the article on ol’ Mando’s tips for lazy convenient diet food options HERE!

VIP Swag Bags Are Here!!!


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Get skinny and stay PHAT with this stylin’ collection!!!  Email to order yours today!!!!


Hot Sauce Goals

Well guys, if you’ve read the book or caught me on tour or seen me on the tee-vee or heard me on the radio, it’s no secret that I AM OBSESSED WITH FRANKS REDHOT SAUCE (the ‘Wings’ variety, particularly), and have been trying to get them to notice me for ages!  Their zero-calorie buffalo sauce changed my life!!  I want to be their brand ambassador!  It’s all I want in the world!  I want to be the Jared to their Subway!  Without the child porn!  AND NOW I MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE!

So Franks is doing a video contest for their “I Put that $#!t on Everything” campaign, and since I truly do put that $#!t on everything, I entered!  Here’s my ridiculous video–hope you enjoy!!  Vote, share, vote again, share again… You can help make all my spiciest dreams come true!!!!!

Lil’ Mando